I went to a talk this evening given by Baroness Greenfield, about the neuroscience of how computers are affecting our brains. It was at the invitation of my friend Fiona, who is a member of the Kit Kat Club, and who had graciously taken me to the club's lecture the month before. I'd had such a good time then that I wanted to come again, and plus, this month's topic sounded fascinating!
There was an opportunity for everyone to stand around, socializing and networking at the start, and so I found myself talking to two older women (probably mid-40s) with younger children. One started relating the tale of how her ex-husband had called her that morning to tell her that he was about to introduce his new girlfriend to the children. And it all sounded so ridiculously complicated, it just made me think that to be divorced with young children must be just about the worst thing ever.
Soon enough it was time for the talk, which was fascinating, although not what I had expected. I had assumed that we'd hear a lot about digital devices like Blackberrys and iPhones, and how they distract us from life, but she really talked a lot more about video games, brain development, and rats in an "enriched" environment. It reminded me of some lectures from when I'd been a psychology major as an undergrad, although I still think she made some very good points about how when everything seems a bit surreal, how you lose touch with what is reality. (i.e. If you can "kill" people in a video game and they pop back up to life, does that de-sensitize you to violence in the real world?)
Plus, I think she had an interesting quote from the CEO of Google, that we don't learn as well as when we read a book. So yes, while the internet provides a lot of interesting material at our fingertips, we don't delve as deeply into it as we do when we are reading a book.
Interesting comment because I've just finished reading one of Phillippa Gregory's new works, "The White Queen". And after reading the book I was thinking, "There is no way this story can possibly be true!" But a quick check on Wikipedia revealed that Elizabeth Woodville did indeed live a most amazing life.
And because of the nature of Wikipedia, before I knew it I was clicking through to other links and reading about many other people of that era and of other times. So yes, more information, but a simple Wikipedia page did not give me quite the richness of the story that a book did.
The best part of the whole evening however, was that afterwards they had arranged a discussion dinner, where you could sit and talk with Baroness Greenfield over dinner, and talk with the other attendees about other things you'd thought of during the talk. Really fascinating stuff. Of course, the conversation at times veered off-topic from the issue of electronics and the mind, but it was just also interesting to talk to these women, most somewhere in their 40's, about the successes they've seen in life and some of the lessons they've learned.
I found myself seated opposite my friend Fiona, and seated with a woman Claire, who will be turning 43 tomorrow, who is divorced with a 9-year old who goes to boarding school.
Her story was almost cliché, it was so horrible, as she'd apparently married a guy, gotten pregnant within a year, and then three weeks before the baby was due, he confessed to her that he'd been having an affair the entire time they were married (in fact in the entire time they were together, it was only the first two months that she'd had him to herself), and the kicker was that his mistress was also pregnant, and was due with a baby just a few weeks after their own son was due. He'd been living a double life the entire time.
Of course, she was shocked and horrified, and somehow survived that Christmas without telling friends or family, but as soon as the holidays were over and her son was born, she divorced her loser of a husband. (And it turned out that he abandoned the mistress too, who ended up taking him to court, and the whole thing was a big mess). Now, it just sounded sad, as he'd become one of those classic absent fathers, missing numerous school recitals and constantly letting his son down, no matter how much his mother tried to take the high road and encourage a positive father-son relationship. As well, she had always been the successful breadwinner in the relationship, so she doesn't even receive any financial support from him.
I asked her if she'd had any clue, and she told me that she'd been completely in the dark, although as soon as he told her a lot of things clicked in her head. She realises that in retrospect, all of her friends and family had been telling her that there was something not quite right about this guy, and she hadn't listened to them.
It just seemed so sad to me, to be the night before her 43rd birthday, and to be divorced and alone with a 9-year old son. And even then, her son is at boarding school, so often it's just an empty home. It was stunning to me, because this woman was obviously so professionally successful, and I have to admit that for being 43-years old she was incredibly good-looking. (I hope I can preserve my looks as well to that age!) Yet, what was it all worth when her life was dominated by an ex-husband who was obviously such a loser? It seems to me that never being married at all would be preferable to having so much of it ruined by such a jackass.
I was surprised she was so open about her marriage and personal life, so then I figured as long as everyone was being open and honest, there was no harm in telling the story of the silly boy's hideous bedroom performance last Wednesday. Their response was much the same as everyone else's, which is to say that although I might want to give him another shot, the whole thing didn't sound very positive. I suppose I need to stop dishing so much about my personal life at some point, but at this stage it's just more of an interesting exercise to get feedback and think things through. I'm not sure I could have done anything differently, but it still puzzles me how something that started so positively went so quickly pear-shaped.
After dinner (which was quite good, actually, and excellent value for £25), we ended up chatting about this and that, and about "Boden Women", which is to describe a certain type of London woman who would be likely to wear Boden clothes. And I had to look around at all of these stylishly dressed middle-aged women, one of whom was even in this gorgeous fitted skirt-suit that almost seemed a bit much of the event, but looked so sharp I had to admire it. It was definitely all a crowd of a certain type, and had made for a fascinating evening.
Finally though, it was time to head home. Fiona walked with me for a bit, but then caught a cab, whereas I just walked until I was able to pick up a bus from Notting Hill Gate back to Shepherd's Bush. I checked my phone and realised I'd missed a call from J, one of my oldest friends in the world, the funniest guy I know. Listed to a hysterically funny voicemail, and remembered that although things with the silly boy didn't turn out well, I'm lucky to know there are lots of great guys out there in the world.
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