Sick Day

I woke up at 4 AM when the drugs had worn off, in quite a bit of pain. My imaginings that things might have gotten better overnight were obviously foolish hopes, and I found even by 8 AM I wasn't in a much better state, and so had to take a second dose. I live in fear of running out of drugs before next week when my root canal is scheduled for, and so am trying my best to mete them out slowly, but sometimes there really is no help for it, I just can't bear the pain.

I spent most of the day staggering through alternating periods of lucidness and chasing thoughts around my brain like escaping butterflies. I can't believe that my boss still thinks I'm working, as it's all too clear to me that I'm not in a very fit shape to do much. I have no idea how people become addicted to opiates and narcotics, for on the one-hand, while they do relieve the pain, they turn your brain into soup. I just hated the feeling, as I couldn't think, I couldn't hold my train of thought, and the drugs had just basically turned me stupid.

Yet it was a terrible trade-off: Try to stay off the drugs so my brain would function, but then the pain would return and I couldn't think anyway, because all I could focus on would be the throbbing, stabbing pain in my jaw. I have no idea how chronic pain sufferers cope, as you would pretty much have to dope yourself up until you were comatose to function, but that isn't really "functioning", now is it?

At the end of the evening, there was no chance that I was going to be going running, as after last night's experience I knew well enough not to even try. So I stayed in, took a nap in the early evening, and was awoken by a message from the Tall South African noting with humour that he had just received my Valentine's Day message on Facebook. (Apparently he doesn't check it that often!) I tried writing back to him until he noted, "This is what phones are for", and so I found mine and gave him a call.

As we spoke, I realised that I hadn't chatted with him on the phone in about a week, as I think we've both just been busy. (He sounds absolutely swamped at work, and I've been so blinded with pain with this tooth thing, that it really just hasn't occurred to me to call). And I kind of like that, how I haven't been as on tenterhooks with him as I've been in the past, desperately wanting him to call. At the same time...for the first time in days I just felt my spirits lift, as talking to him literally made me feel better.

That crazy pop star Kei$ha sang, "Your love is my drug", I think talking about the addictive qualities of being with someone you like. In this case however, I was pleasantly surprised at how after all of the mess of drugs and pain, it was just talking to this boy that fixed everything. How wonderful is that?