Why Life is Not Like the Movies

Today was one of those days that got away from me.

Yesterday, I hadn't heard from the Tall South African all day, and in the evening I was just reconciling myself to this idea, when he popped up online and I couldn't resist just saying hello, so that I wouldn't have to face the first day of 2012 I hadn't spoken to him quite yet.

He laughed when he heard my reasoning, saying it hadn't occurred to him, but I was right. When I told him "We will lose the streak at some point, but not today..." he replied, "...we will lose the streak another day. I like that saying."

Yet then he assured me that we'd probably lose the streak the next day, as he wouldn't be home. Relieved that we'd agreed on when the streak would be broken, I enjoyed our usual flirtatious banter, and headed to bed.

Then this morning, knowing that I wasn't going to work or really doing anything besides going to the gym, somehow never quite got around to taking a shower. So you can imagine my surprise when my phone buzzed at the end of the day, saying, "Hey trouble, thought we'd better not break the chain yet..." and then "What time do you get off of work? Call me when you're free."

I tried giving him a bell, but with no success, so then agreed to stick around for another conference call at 6 PM. Then just as I had joined the call and was waiting for everyone to gather, my phone rang. It was the Tall South African.

"Hey, want to grab a drink with me?"

Wait what? When?

"Now. I'm in your neighbourhood and I thought I'd be spontaneous and surprise you." Damn, who DOES that?

And while that sounds wonderfully romantic and like the movies, there is a reason that life is not like the movies. I was actually already on a conference call, where they'd seen me dial in and had spoken to me, so I was now really committed to attending. My hair was greasy and a mess, and I was wearing yoga pants. When I calculated it, I probably hadn't showered in two days.

In the movies, the girl always looks like she just came out of a beauty salon, and happens to walk down the stairs in an adorable, cute outfit to say "Oh my! What are you doing here?" And is absolutely free at that moment to listen to some big dramatic speech or be whisked away. Never, ever in the movies do they discuss the possibility that the heroine might look like hell and stink to high heaven.

In fact, one of my favourite comedians, Whitney Cummings, does a great bit about this, how women don't like to be surprised like they are in the movies. So with great frustration, I had to turn him down, and beg him for more warning next time (although I did appreciate the spontaneous gesture!)

I didn't hear from him for the rest of the evening, which I tried to chalk up to just the fact that he'd been out, but I started to worry that I'd somehow truly offended him and he wasn't going to talk to me anymore. (I hate being a girl, and how our minds work against us like this sometimes). Just when I thought he might be truly annoyed with me for failing to come out, as I was falling into bed, he called.

A bit tipsy, to be sure, apparently having had quite a fun night at a dinner party at Lotte's, and having gotten a load of gossip. You can imagine my shock when he then said, "So you and the Young Scotsman, eh?"

How the HELL did he know about that?

And here, having not heard anything about it, I was starting to think we might have gotten away with it. Well, there was really no point in denying it, although I did make sure he knew that the young man had not been up for action, so not too much had happened.

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised when he pressed me about the Young Dutchman, as I'm sure there isn't a single person in all of Clubland who thinks we haven't slept together. And so I told him the truth, and to his disbelief, I told him, "Look, you can either believe me or not, but I swear I'm telling you the truth. Not one kiss. Nothing. Believe me or don't." He probably doesn't believe me, but hopefully the fact that I was willing to admit the truth on the Young Scotsman will give me some credibility. Although why do I care? I've long known that people will think what they want to think, and there's not much I can do about it.

And so he said to me, "I've always gone with the philosophy of do what you want, and worry about the consequences later." Listening to his stories, he definitely has done that, and it was a reminder that he HAS slept with a lot of people. I need to be wary of being added to this list. And yet, it's a foregone conclusion, isn't it?

We ended the conversation at 1 AM, when we seemed to agree, "Sometimes you've just got to leap in headfirst, not worry about the consequences, and see where it goes..."