After getting a slow start in the morning, the Young Dutchman called with the reminder that he still had my spare keys, and wanted to drop them off with me before he went back to Oxford. I was working from home, so he stopped by my place, and then stayed to chat for a bit. He was feeling miserable (I think he caught whatever his brother had), so I gave him some Diet Coke (he always knows I have some and requested his special treat) and doped him up with medicines while he sat on my couch to talk for a bit.
He asked me if I'd talked to the Tall South African since New Year's, and I instinctively just blurted out "no". After the story from New Year's Day, I didn't really want the Young Dutchman to know that I'd been exercising tremendously poor judgement and was actually talking to the Tall South African a lot. Plus, I was a bit curious about what he'd say next.
Which was basically to once again go on a rant about Drunk Girl, and his ire about the fact that Lotte found Drunk Girl at the Tall South African having sex in her bed that morning. And I found myself really wrestling with the knowledge, wondering, "Did he really have it right? The Tall South African has never mentioned this. Not that he would, especially to me. But how could he do something so gross? And particularly to Lotte, who is so nice?"
We talked a little bit about how his New Year's Resolution had lasted exactly one day (not even), and I asked him why he didn't go for the sweet young girl he'd slept with that night. She's young, but adores him and seems very nice. To which he replied that he actually needed someone older, a bit more sophisticated with more going on in her life. Interesting.
As we then got to talking about various other people, I mentioned something that the Young Scotsman and I had been talking about, to which the Young Dutchman said, "The Young Scotsman is very discreet. And part of that involves paying attention to what is going on with everyone else."
I was a bit startled by the "discreet" mention, as that is really the Young Dutchman's own trademark, and why I'd taken the Young Scotsman home in the first place. It was weird, because I've never told the Young Dutchman (or anyone) about that night, but it was as though he knew, and was giving me a quiet seal of approval. And maybe warning me once again off of the Tall South African.
After he left, I was so startled by how I'd just lied to the Young Dutchman (the one person I never lie to), that I wrote a quick note to the Tall South African to mention it and ponder why I'd lied. It turned out he was online and at home, and then talked to me for the next three hours. He asked why the Young Dutchman was at all curious if we were talking, and I tried to subtly imply it was because of Drunk Girl, seeing if he'd take the bait. Either I was too subtle, he was avoiding, or there is more to this story than I know, because he seemed pretty oblivious.
Still, we started talking about the Young Dutchman, and to me it almost made me wonder if we were talking about the Tall South African himself. As we debated how the Young Dutchman "cheated" on his crush, he noted, "He isn't with her, he has no ties, and when you drink and opportunities present themselves it can be hard to say no. In the moment it just seems like a good idea. After all, who wants to go to bed alone on New Year's Eve?"
Hmmm...so that's his explanation for what happened? I suppose in his mind it makes sense, but for both him and the Young Dutchman, it makes a poor impression on a girl that they might really be interested in.
So I was surprised at his next question, "Do I come across as boyfriend material? The sort of guy who would be celibate?"
Wait, what? The guy who had struck me as the ultimate player was now asking if I thought he'd make a good boyfriend? I thought about replying, "Heck, no!" but instead went with, "Honestly? Not really. I've been surprised as heck at how much you seem to enjoy chatting to me and just taking the time and interest in general." Which is the truth. I still have no idea why this guy is spending so much time on me.
Still, lest I lose my head and think that there's more going on here than there is, he said, "I think I should be single for a while now. My last relationship was really bad." Right. Must remember, this is not a boy for dating. He's just a distraction.
And what a distraction he is... I wasted three hours of my work day talking to him, until finally he was the one with the good sense to tell me to go back to work. (He's off today, lucky bastard!) Thank goodness he goes back to work tomorrow, so I can get things done.
But the title of this entry was "Paying Attention". And the reason for that comes from a later conversation in the evening with Caroline. And she was annoyed at Sweetheart, and said to me, "So you know how he and I sporadically hook up..." Ummm...what? No, I hadn't noticed that. And she continues, "It's been going on for about a year." Seriously? I just thought Sweetheart flirted with everyone. Had totally missed this. An entire year? Are you for real?
And she continued that right before Christmas, for the first time ever she went back to his, "and we had 'that' night where we stayed up and just talked for hours,
and talked about us and potentially being together. After about 3 hours of chatting we did eventually end up sleeping together, but it was very much a joint decision, there was no pressure from his part."
Okay, wow, I had no idea there was that much going on there, but whatever... But the most stunning part was then when she told me that just after Christmas he phoned her to say that THE very next day he'd been out with a few folks in our circle and that another girl in the running club (who I know well and talk to all the time), "who he'd dated on and off for a bit" (I did not know this) "had talked with him and they'd decided to give it another shot together so everything was off."
I was stunned. On so many levels. First, that a gorgeous, stunning blonde like Caroline would be attracted to Sweetheart, who is a nice enough guy to be fair, but not really the type of guy one assumes ends up with beautiful, sweet girls like Caroline. And then, that it had been going on for a year. And that he'd been seeing this other girl who I know and talk to all of the time. Good Lord, have I been paying attention AT ALL?
The poor girl then had to suffer through a New Year's party with the guy where he spent the whole evening flirting with someone else, although interestingly NOT the girl he'd thrown Caroline over for, as THAT girl was apparently at a "singles" New Year's party in Scotland! My goodness, I had no idea that so much drama was going on all around me!
So yes, resolution for the New Year is not only to go to the gym more, but to pay attention to what is happening around me. It seems like there's a lot more going on than I first imagined! And also to pay attention to seemingly sweet boys who will say almost anything to get their way. It's a good reminder to be wary of the Tall South African. Proceed with caution, indeed.
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