Magdalene in the City

Twice a year, my old college from Cambridge, Magdalene, hosts an event for old members called "Magdalene in the City", inviting all those of us who work in the City of London out for drinks and a cocktail networking evening. I always enjoy these events as an opportunity to meet new people, and they're always good fun.

Still, it seems that some people don't share quite my same attitude about the pleasures of simply showing up to an event without knowing anyone and making new friends. My friend Sara, who also went to the same college, e-mailed me as soon as the invite came out, to ask the same question she always does whenever we get invited to the same event: "Are you going? Because if you go then at least I'll know somebody there."

Argh. Either go or don't go based on whether you want to go to the event. Don't go just because I'm going, and force me to be your babysitter all evening! This trend continued right up to the morning of the event, where she e-mailed me AND IM'd me throughout the day to ask, "When are you getting there?"

Because showing up on your own and potentially not knowing anyone and having to talk to new people is that scary? Oh c'mon! Hence I just didn't reply, later claiming I was too busy at work. But I really, really, really did not want to babysit her that evening. She's a big girl, and needs to learn to do things on her own, without somebody holding her hand.

I've been told that super-extroverted people like me don't understand shyness, which is I suppose what could have been going on here. But she's normally such a confident-seeming person, I really just don't understand this desire to just grab a drink and hide in the corner, or even worse to drag down conversations with defensive body language and a negative tone.

So I arrived right when the event started at 6:30 PM, leaving Sara to figure it out on her own. There were a few people already there when I arrived, and I found myself quickly in conversation with the host, Julian Cazelet, who had matriculated in 1966. Very nice old chap, and seemed only too happy to talk to me.

My old college "dad" (an older grad who was assigned to the younger freshers to introduce them to life at college) arrived, and it was good to see him again and catch up. He reminded me of our days of taking ballroom dance classes together, and then showing off our newly-learned skills of doing the mambo in the college bar. I'd forgotten about that, and was laughing my head off at the memory.

Then The Master arrived, which was quite a pleasant surprise. The Master is a lovely man, although I'm never quite sure how to address him. As just saying "Master" sounds weird, but "Mr Robinson" is just too informal, and "Duncan" is certainly out! In the end, I usually just go with "Sir", and it seems to do well enough, although I'm not sure it would get his attention from across a crowded room.

So The Master worked his way through the room, shaking hands with all of the men, although when he got to me, it seemed strange to shake hands with him as I never shake hands with men, so I gave him a kiss on each cheek, which seemed to surprise him a bit, which in retrospect I suppose was a bit forward with The Master!

Tristan appeared to arrive with The Master, but told me they'd actually just run into each other on the stairs, and Sara arrived after a bit too. I assumed that she knew all of these people, and so was surprised when I was talking to Tristan and my old college "dad" and everyone, it turns out that she didn't know them. Had she been hiding in her room the entire time we were at college?

Then Andy and Malcolm arrived, who I was glad to see. They are these two guys in their mid-30's I met at this same event last year, in a most wonderfully bizarre evening. I had been talking to my friend Doug, when he said, "I think these two men behind you want to meet you", and then when I turned around to see what he was talking about, by the time I turned back, he was gone. I was therefore quite stuck with these two men who wanted to get to know me!

What followed was a truly bizarre evening with a bunch of old guys and too much champagne, and one of the most painful mornings-after I can ever recall. What was more interesting however, was to go back through some of my old collections of business cards, and realise that I had five copies of Andy's business card, indicating that I'd met him on four previous occasions. At least with that final introduction, I remembered him!

Six months later, we met again at another Magdalene in the City event, and ended up making a last-minute dash to the O&C where we had a really fun dinner, and another crazy late night.

I've never really figured out what's going on with the two of them, as they're both married, so why were they so keen to meet me in the first place? I like Andy a lot, as he talks quite a bit about his wife and now his infant son, and he's just generally a nice guy. Whatever conflicted attraction he might feel towards me, I doubt he would ever act on it, so I always just enjoy his company and am happy to spend time with him.

Malcolm, on the other hand, I don't trust further than I can spit. He never talks about his wife and I just get the funny sense that he wouldn't turn down an opportunity to cheat. But Andy likes to drag him around, so I always deal with the two of them as a matched set. And who knows? Perhaps Andy prefers to have a chaperone for his own sake.

So I introduced them around and got some conversations going, but cleverly section Malcolm off talking to some middle-aged lawyer with a triple chin while I talked to Andy. Mostly we had fun tackling the waiter coming around refilling drinks (always dangerous, as I think I've had one glass of wine but end up having about seven) and the lady with the trays of canapes coming around. Not sure which ones I liked the most, the mini-hamburgers or the fried cheese bread. I love a dinner of canapes!

Finally the event itself came to an end, but Andy and Malcolm suggested we go for a drink at the pub downstairs, along with this guy Matt who turned out to be a contemporary of my friend Joel. Later this meant that I insisted calling Joel and leaving him a voicemail with Matt talking on it, which he told me the next day made him laugh endlessly when he woke up and listened to it. I think Matt was a bit embarassed that I did that, but Joel is a great friend who will always understand my impulsiveness like that.

We got some pints and found a table in the upstairs balcony of this elegant old pub, and ended up just talking random bits about our experiences at Magdalene, people we knew in common, and after I revealed that I'd once beaten Sam Gluck (huge legendary rugby guy at college) in a left-handed arm-wrestle, they all wanted to take me on. So I bizarrely ended up arm-wrestling three men in a pub that night. Even though I couldn't beat them, they admitted I was quite strong for a girl!

As the pub had stopped serving dinner at this point, we decided to go to a restaurant a few doors down to have dinner. As we filed in, I made sure I was sitting next to Andy, with Malcolm in the opposite corner, furthest from me. I always like it when I manage to arrange things how I want...

Andy ordered a bottle of wine for the table, and after he just sniffed it to determine if it was okay, we got into a discussion about tasting wine, and as everyone sniffed and tasted the wine, I read out the description of the wine from the back of the bottle. Admittedly I had trouble picking up on more than the "fruity" flavour that was mentioned!

Then Andy complimented me on what I was wearing, saying he'd noticed it seemed to be a very 1940's style outfit, with my stockings with a seam up the back, the Mary Jane shoes, the skirt with a slight swing in it, and the rolled hairstyle. Indeed, this was the effect I'd been going for, but how many men would actually NOTICE? Once again, showing why I like Andy... So the rest of the dinner really just became the two of us talking to each other, sharing a bowl of chips, talking about the most random things, and just laughing about the silly things I get up to.

Finally after they kicked us out of the restaurant, Malcolm and Matt still wanted to go for another drink, but it was late, and both Andy and I wanted to go home. So Andy and I said our good-byes, as he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a gentle tap on the nose to remind me to keep him updated. I know it all most sound terribly dodgy given that he's married, but somehow the vibe isn't like that. It's just kind adoration and affection, like I'm this little girl that he enjoys keeping an eye out for. And I'm glad that there's this wise older man watching out for me.

So I caught the Tube home, riding with Malcolm, just chit-chatting about random nonsense, and making some polite good-byes when it came time for us to part ways. To Malcolm's credit, once I was back in my flat, he did text me to make sure I had gotten home safely, which I thought was a nice thing to do.

The only dissappointment of the evening was that the 25-year old had never showed up. Yet as soon as I flipped on my computer, I saw that he had written to me, apologizing, as soon as he knew he wasn't going to make it. So I remain as confused and conflicted as ever, for while I thought seeing him again would help me clear up how I felt about him, he denied me that satisfaction, but made sure to stay on my radar. (He must know I have a short attention span when it comes to men!) I wrote him straight away, perhaps making it a bit too clear how dissappointed I was not to have seen him. Still, he wrote again the next day, so the back-and-forth continues... I guess we shall simply have to wait and see what happens next!