Just another evening at home... I had an invite to go out to some random get-together of people for drinks, but after staying up until 4 AM last night working, I was just feeling too tired to do much. So instead I figured it would be a good evening to catch up with my folks.
In the middle of that phone call, I was delighted to get a call from the Young Dutchman. Damn if I do not miss that boy... He asked me about all that was new with me, and I had to admit there was startlingly little to say. Work is going well (apparently I was rated the top person in my rating group, although I'll find out what that means in terms of salary on Tuesday), the social life is humming along, and there are no real big scandals or news to report. I felt bad for not being more entertaining (I could tell he'd hoped for a bit more from me), but it was just really good to hear from him. I'm trying so hard to sit back and let him make friends in Oxford and establish his own life there, but doesn't mean I don't miss him...
Then, just as I'd thought I'd done enough talking for the evening, got a great surprise when my phone rang and it was Joel. He was on a train home from Cambridge, and just wanted to talk a bit about his relationship woes... Of course, "talk" with Joel means "let me guess wildly and try to develop ESP." I guess this is why Joel likes me however, because I just have the easiest mind-meld with him. He doesn't really need to talk, I already know.
And the issue is that the girl he's seeing is perfectly nice, and there's no real reason to break up with her, but still he wants out. And yet he works with her, so a clean break isn't really possible. And of course, this related to larger issues like, "How is life all supposed to turn out? What happens next?" I can understand why Joel thinks I'm so wise and have all the answers, because I have the advantage of an outside perspective on his problems. But the truth is, I don't know the answers any more than he does...
It seems to have been an evening for conversations however, as at midnight I managed to catch my friend Nikola in Australia online. And it turns out that he's having somewhat of an existential crisis as well, brought on in part by the death of Steve Jobs. He's trying to figure out what he wants to do in life, realising that perhaps academia isn't quite it.
And we talked about how the trauma of our generation is the idea of closing doors. That we have so many opportunities available to us, that we become reluctant to settle on any one person, any one job, or any one thing, for fear of losing out on those other opportunities. However, we realise that to move on in life, we have to close doors in order to open others. For instance, you will never experience the joy of having children and a family unless you pick one person to do that with. So you have to close off the options of dating other people and perhaps finding someone else, unless you choose that one person to move forward with. It's like choosing a major at college, but only even more so. You have to choose your subject, and close off the idea of other subjects to focus on this one that you are going to learn ever more intensively.
Finally at 2 AM I dropped off into bed, glad to have caught up with everyone but quite tired in the end!
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