Ali's Birthday

Tonight was my friend Ali's birthday party. Just drinks at a pub near his work, but an excellent chance to get together.

Ali and I were lovers way back in the day, so long ago now that I can barely recall it. Yet I'd been thinking recently about what makes people attractive to us, and looking at Ali, I still can't quite explain it. Objectively, Ali is balding, slightly pudgy, incredibly pale, and has a skin condition, excema, that makes his skin red and scabby all the time. Yet, as the night wore on and the drinks were poured, he wrapped an arm around my waist and drew me into him, and all of a sudden I remembered why I'd first fallen into bed with him. The chemistry of physical attraction is an alchemy that makes no sense to me.

I arrived when there were only two other people there, so we made a happy little foursome as more people from Ali's work arrived. Eventually the table was absolutely filled with young consultants, although when I tried to talk to them, they really couldn't seem to talk about anything besides work. Eventually I just got tired of it, and spoke to the few older folks there, who seemed to actually have lives outside of work.

Ali asked me about my own romantic life, and I had to admit that I was going through an incredible dry spell, as there just don't seem to be any guys catching my interest, or me theirs. Ali suggested I talk to some of the guys there, but then admitted that most of them were in relationships anyway. I ended up chatting to a guy for a bit whose father was the head of MI-6, and he was a rather nice chap, although when he didn't seem interested in pursuing anything, I just let it go.

I spent most of my time talking to a married guy from Cambridge who was in the process of moving to LA. Turns out he'd been to Downing and knew my friend Zhan, but I couldn't remember his name. I think I was distracted by the fact that this guy seemed to be the most flamingly gay guy I'd ever met, but yet apparently he was married? I'd be really interested to see where that one is at in 10 years...

As the evening wore on, I have to admit it was a bit funny as all of the boys started drinking whiskey, and I was surrounded by the lovely fumes of Laphroig whilst I was stuck drinking white wine. {Sigh!} Although I guess I should be glad that they left me off the hard stuff, as Ali was probably having some difficulty after all of the drinks people were buying him!

I hadn't been wearing a watch all evening, so you can't believe my shock when they started turning on all of the lights in the bar...would you believe it was after midnight? The Tubes were all already gone, so it was time to take a cab home.

Ali, the gay-seeming married guy, and I all agreed to share a cab, but it was funny because you could tell that Ali just wanted to share a cab with me and only me. I think we were enjoying this time for just the two of us to be alone, connect and catch-up, in a way we hadn't been able to in a long time. Still, we were going to drop that guy off first, so we went with it. But first we had to stop into Ali's office so he could pick up some things.

So we went into the darkened office, and Ali used his pass to get me in, and then I had fun bouncing around the office, which....looked exactly like mine. I guess there must be something about consulting firms! Only bonus was that they had free Diet Coke, so Ali very graciously gave me a can to take home. I guess showing how much white wine I'd had, I was VERY excited by this!

We then caught a cab, and dropped off the first guy, and then made my way on to my place. And here's the thing: Ali and I love each other dearly, and as I kissed him good-bye, we both knew the same thing: We'd never do anything together, because Ali is engaged, and we're both actually incredible romantics at heart who hide it well. I adore Ali's fiancee, and I think she's a very lucky girl, engaged to a guy who will always value their relationship above all things.

And yet, there is that wonderful sense of connection that we have I think precisely because we once were lovers, as I don't experience anything like it with any of my other male friends, no matter how close we are. As soon as I'm near Ali, it's like the whole universe goes warm and fuzzy.

So we kissed and hugged, said goodnight, and before I was even at my door there was a text from him saying, "Next time, drinks are on me!" I'm so lucky to know a guy like that. What a lovely night.