So there was a really interesting article in the NY Times recently entitled "A Bachelor's Effort to Understand Love".
It was the story of a bachelor who had fallen in love with a woman, and was so blown away by this experience of falling in love, that he decided to interview lots of people and write a book, entitled, "Us: Americans Talk About Love." And so he's written this book filled with stories of people who fell in love, who fell out of love, who couldn't get over ex-boyfriends, or who couldn't get over the death of their spouse after a happy 50-year marriage. All sorts of stories about love. But in the article, I was most intrigued by this quote:
“At a certain point, one wants it all to stop, and just to settle down and be boring and normal,” he said. “And that’s absolutely who I’ve become now. I will be the happiest person on this planet when I have kids. I do think it’s a bummer to be playing around with your kids in your 50s as opposed to in your 30s, but that’s the way the cookie crumbled.”
Later, in one of several late-night phone calls when Mr. Bowe seemed less guarded, he speculated about his chances of finding love at this point in his life. “I think it’s a very arrogant gamble I made in a way,” he said. “I’ll have time to set up a career that fulfills my spiritual goals and then have time for a relationship afterwards. If I’m right, then I’m the coolest guy in the world. If I’m wrong, I’m a loser.”
“The goal was always to avoid being that surly alcoholic guy who didn’t live up to his dreams and blamed the wife and kids for that,” he added. “So, you make your calculations, you roll the dice and you hope you’re right that there’s time after you make it to then join the human race and have a normal emotional life.”
I was intrigued by his phrase, of it all being an "arrogant gamble". Because every time I go home and visit my friends and their incredibly adorable kids, I realise that's exactly what I've done, in a way... My friends say to me, "Wow, you live an amazing life!" And sometimes I even don't think about it, as I say to my boss, "I'm going to Panama at the end of February, and then I'm planning on going to Australia in April", and he laughs and exclaims, "That's so amazing that you can just do that!" After all, it's the title of this blog, "Adventures Without Kids", because it's all about the things I get to do since I don't have kids yet. Sure, it's incredible now, but is it an "arrogant gamble"? After all, while I'm sure to never end up one of those people who regrets never having done anything, never having had any adventures, on the other side of the coin, you realise that you're making an awfully big bet.
Still, I was at a party the other night, and just bored to death standing around talking to boys who couldn't be bothered to tuck their shirts in or carry on a decent conversation. (Perhaps it should have been a sign that the chap I was talking to was not the most exciting mind when he told me, "Well, it's not that I prefer non-fiction or fiction, it's just that I don't read much.") And the thought occurred to me, "If you ended up with one of these guys, you'd have to tolerate this level of conversation even when you were alone, just the two of you." And I realised, perhaps I haven't made an arrogant gamble, I'm just still playing out my hand... The game isn't over yet!!
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